Tigers dispute Chinese view of their penises

Science News: The results of an independent medical trial funded by tigers were published in Nature today, concluding that, ‘When it comes to our penises, less is more.’

“After rigorous testing of the therapeutic effects of our penises on humans,” growled Professor Lao-Mao, the eminent Bengal tiger who led the medical trial, “our researchers found that an infinitesimal quantity of our penises mixed with water is at least as effective as traditional Chinese medicines containing greater amounts of our penises.”

The Society of Homeopaths applauded the research: “once again Homeopathy is validated by impartial testing: Whatever symptoms tiger penises are supposed to cure, can definitely be alleviated by almost non-existent amounts of tiger penises mixed with loads of water.”

While the dwindling Seahorse community welcomed the findings, a spokesperson for Bears-fitted-with-painful-catheters-draining-bile-from-their-livers-until-they-die reluctantly confessed that they remain, “sceptical about the validity and objectivity of the findings regarding the efficacy of homeopathic Chinese remedies.”