Harry: ‘Pippa leaves my nuts like a vulture’s tonsils’

Celebrity News: The wedding may be over but the music is still playing for Prince Harry, who insiders say has been put in an ‘epic spin’ by Kate’s saucy sister Pippa.

“Whenever I think about her in that dress,” he told friends, “my nuts get so tight they look like a vulture’s tonsils – or an upside down giraffe.”

Sources close to the Prince have revealed that he necked 18 sambucas during the wedding party before doing his ‘David Brent’ dance. He then spent much of the night propping up the bar and following Pippa’s backside around the dancefloor ‘like some sort of spastic dog’.

With many fearing for the feelings of Chelsea Davy, his on-off girlfriend, the feisty blonde insisted today that she “couldn’t give a toss” and “when the sambucas come out, he always acts like a c**t”

The unseemly behaviour came to a climax when the Prince plonked himself next to Pippa and tried to put his arm round her, masquerading the move as a yawn.

“Knob off, ginge,” she said, before walking off to chat with David Beckham. “That’s cool, that’s cool,” Harry he said to her back, before sliding onto the floor and falling fast asleep.