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Gaddafi reveals plans for new career post-Libya

World News: Colonel Gaddafi admitted today that if the civil war doesn’t go his way, he has a ‘Plan B’ – an ‘exciting plan for life after Libya’ that does not involve selling arms to terrorists, blowing up jumbo jets or murdering his own people. Colonel Muammar Gaddafi has a brand new regime – a fitness regime – and it is all about high-intensity work-outs and low carb home cooking.

Surprising everyone at a press conference in Tripoli today, the 68-year-old Libyan leader said he was ‘tired of war’ and hinted that he was already having ‘the necessary phone calls with you-know-who’ to move from full-time dictatorship into America’s lucrative health and fitness industry.

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I love being a dictator, but my time is up. I am still a very good looking man for my age, and some very high-up, very black, persons – or person – in the White House has assured me that I will be made an an offer from a top firm in Los Angeles to front a campaign for a well-known health drink, worth tens of millions of dollars. That will be on top of a publishing contract – have I mentioned my new book?’

With that he brandished his new health and fitness title – previewed here for the first time – ‘Fitness for Busy People With Colonel Gaddafi’ shouting; ‘Here is the real green revolution!’

When you run a North African country for 40 years, there is one lesson you cannot fail to learn: torture may be an necessary exercise, but necessary exercise doesn’t need to be torture.”

Oh yes, and asparagus makes your urine go green. And Europeans are liars. And eating a live bird is not as easy as it sounds.”