UK News: Parliament was for once unanimous this weekend as MPs marched against the anarchists that marched against MPs last weekend.
Speaking outside the House of Commons, PM Cameron told press that he was “sick of all the bloody racket. What will all these protests I can hardly hear myself think, and I know Nick [Clegg]’s had the same issue, he can’t hear me think either. Enough is enough.”
Such direct action by MPs comes after anti-cuts anarchists outraged the media and politicians alike with some acts of vandalism that were ‘utterly condemned’ by Home Secretary Theresa May.
“Yes, public services will have to be smashed to pieces. We accept that. What we will not accept is the smashing to pieces of windows in Oxford Street. How dare the anarchists tell us what to do?”
“Ideologically it is completely against their principles. We, however, were voted in to tell people what to do. The only thing these anarchists will listen to, apart from 80s punk, is violence. Therefore, we have no choice but to respond in exactly same way.”
With emotions running high, many MPs soon donned black bandanas to avoid identification though there is strong video evidence to suggest that Osborne himself was behind the bricking of JJB Sports ‘in retaliation’ to last week’s attacks on Fortnum & Mason.
Police today admitted confusion about how to deal with such high-powered demonstrators.
One officer, who asked not to be named, spoke of the ‘deep existential distress’ he experienced while kettling a group of particularly rowdy MPS and finding himself shield-to-face with the Home Secretary.
“Yes, she is my boss,” said the officer, “and at first I didn’t know whether to hold back or get on with the job. In the end I figured the worst thing would be her accusing me of not fulfiling my duties properly – so I hit her in the face with my truncheon.”