Charlie Sheen introduces humanity to The Next Level

Charlie Sheen News: As friends, industry peers and psychiatric professionals continue to describe Charlie Sheen’s behaviour – and some say ‘epic’ drug use – as a wake-up call to politicians and a media too easily distracted by the current side-show in the Middle East, Hot Shots star Charlie Sheen left Hollywood dumbfounded last night by announcing the opening of a “portal to beyond space” that he has been working on for “at least seven years.”

The gateway, which he calls The Furtherance, he calls “the means” by which he has found the grade-A awesomeness and next-level genius he’s been bringing to his work on popular sitcom Two And A Half Men and other projects such as Scary Movie 3 and 4.

Certainly, his public speeches have been putting Gaddafi to shame with their radical displays of introspection. Zen nuggets such as “I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special” and “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once you will die, your face will melt off,” are destined to haunt the blogoglobe for years to come. Yet, for Sheen, it’s just more fourth-dimensional energy mainlined straight from ‘The Furtherance’.

“The Furtherance is the portal. The Furtherance, ladies and gentlemen, is the future, and it is, right now, in my home in LA,” Sheen assured radio show Loose Cannons. However scientists from Nasa and Cern, who were invited to visit the portal, remain sceptical about the provenance of this new level of human development.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty and all,” said Dr. Dwayne Ebert of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, Ohio. “But it’s really just a den. There are mattresses in there, some coloured lights – as far as my initial analysis tells me there’s really only one productive outcome of all this: Two And A Half Men is over – and let’s face it, the show hasn’t been much good since about 2006.”

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