Twister App causes mass injuries

App News: Twister, the sexually-charged body-to-body household gymnastic game of the 1980s, was the runaway sensation this Christmas when finally released as an app.

One of the last things to resist ‘applification’, along with the walking stick, cheese and beheadings, the Twister app enjoyed record sales as families sought to relive the hilarious entanglements of a less psychoanalytical age.

However, with touch-screens replacing the polka dot plastic sheeting, horrific and even grotesque finger injuries are being caused by overly-determined players, often drunk, refusing to back down from impossible positions.

Acme, the manufacturers of Twister App, released a statement this morning insisting that the game is ‘an extreme sport’ and as such adults ‘compete at their own risk’.

“We’ve had to set up a specialised ward to deal with the influx of contorted hands,” says Doctor Tony Edwards of St. Thomas’ Hospital, South London, “and from what my colleagues tell me, nationwide Twister app injuries could run into the thousands.”

“Joints can be irreparably torn, whole hands left bruised and mangled. The worst cases occur when two people’s fingers have become corkscrewed together. Sometimes we can pry them apart with tongs or pliers. On a few sad occasions we have been forced to tickle the patients then swiftly amputate at the knuckle.”