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Thanks to everyone who took part in our cracker joke challenge – here’s the best of the bunch – so please download, print out, and then sneak them into your crackers this Christmas!

To download your new cracker jokes, click here

cracker jokes

With thanks to:

Why did Nick Clegg cross the road? Because he forgot he had pledged not to. /via @nowtro

Why did the student let off steam? Because he was kettled. /via @dpknowles

What’s the difference between a foot spa and a bad drummer? The foot spa bucks up the feet……… /via @SAshfieldFans

What do you call a fear of climbing down chimneys? SantaClaustrophobia. /via @Vonnydownwest

What do Santa Claus and Chris Hughton have in common? They both think Mike Ashley’s a c**t /via @portishair

Q. How do you make Santa cry? A. Pinch his sack. /via @b4rkas

What’s the difference between an incontinent man & J Assange? 1 has a leaky wick and the other a wiki leak. @RandomVitriol

Why did the chicken cross the road? it was walking to work as it could no longer afford the train fare. @RobWeatherhead

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poker face./via @Karatepam

What do you get if you mix oil & money? A FIFA decision. /via @dpknowles

Why did the bauble text his ex? He was out of his tree.  via @portishair

Why does Rudolph have a dry, flaky skin condition that causes red irritable patches? Because he suffers from Xmas. – Simon Cockle

Where does a snowman keep his drug paraphernalia? In a small concealed bag made of snow somewhere inside of him. – Simon Cockle

What do elves learn in school? A foundation diploma in Creative and Media. – Simon Cockle

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

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