Swipe left/right

Thanks to everyone who took part in our cracker joke challenge – here’s the best of the bunch – so please download, print out, and then sneak them into your crackers this Christmas!

To download your new cracker jokes, click here

cracker jokes

With thanks to:

Why did Nick Clegg cross the road? Because he forgot he had pledged not to. /via @nowtro

Why did the student let off steam? Because he was kettled. /via @dpknowles

What’s the difference between a foot spa and a bad drummer? The foot spa bucks up the feet……… /via @SAshfieldFans

What do you call a fear of climbing down chimneys? SantaClaustrophobia. /via @Vonnydownwest

What do Santa Claus and Chris Hughton have in common? They both think Mike Ashley’s a c**t /via @portishair

Q. How do you make Santa cry? A. Pinch his sack. /via @b4rkas

What’s the difference between an incontinent man & J Assange? 1 has a leaky wick and the other a wiki leak. @RandomVitriol

Why did the chicken cross the road? it was walking to work as it could no longer afford the train fare. @RobWeatherhead

How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poker face./via @Karatepam

What do you get if you mix oil & money? A FIFA decision. /via @dpknowles

Why did the bauble text his ex? He was out of his tree.  via @portishair

Why does Rudolph have a dry, flaky skin condition that causes red irritable patches? Because he suffers from Xmas. – Simon Cockle

Where does a snowman keep his drug paraphernalia? In a small concealed bag made of snow somewhere inside of him. – Simon Cockle

What do elves learn in school? A foundation diploma in Creative and Media. – Simon Cockle

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. Popular
    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world
  2. Pics
    30 Fabulous Shop Notices
  3. Exclusive
    17 people who earned their places in Stupidity Hall Of Fame
  4. Exclusive
    12 unfortunate name combinations in wedding announcements
  5. Pics
    This woman asked her family for the WiFi password and it turns out they’d left a special message just for her
« Swipe navigation »