World News: Americans woke up in shock this morning to discover that the White House, that icon of U.S. imperial power, is now the Black House.
President Obama, after what insiders have described as a ‘particularly boozy’ state dinner, stayed up all night and repainted the White House black, only to be found by officials asleep in a garden chair, empty paint pots at his feet. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and his clothes and hands were ‘splattered with black paint’.
“Fuggit,” said the President on being shook by the shoulder. He then looked the officials over with one eye before looking behind at his handiwork and collapsing into ‘exaggerated laughter’.
Though Republicans have immediately seized on the paint job as an incendiary racial gesture, Obama, refusing to take a shower or be helped to walk, insisted it was rather an ‘act of despair’.
“There’s no hope,” he said, “there’s no change – and I’m not just talking about the midterms. I’m talking about the international capitalist system. They keep moving the debt around but the banks ain’t gonna pay, the people will suffer and the people are fed up and anrgy and there’s one motherfucker of a shitstorm coming our way, from Ireland to Iraq, it’s one heap of shit and that’s why I painted it black, goddamit, to symbolise shit.”
On it being pointed out that shit was brown, the president is reported to have hung his head. A chuckle was heard. After a few seconds he began to snore.