Ken: ‘I will not be like Boris’

Victorious Labour candidate, Ken Livingstone, kicked off his mayoral campaign today, insisting that he was a very different proposition to professional bumbler, hurrumpher and fop, Boris Johnson.

Appearing with a rather familiar new hairstyle, Livingstone declared that he would not be another Boris Johnson – neither in thought, nor word, nor deed.

“During this election, I want to make it quite clear how different we are,” he continued, “our backgrounds are different, our politics are different and the kind of London we want is different.”

“Boris wants an eighteenth century London full of ruffians he can defeat and toffs that will buy him dinner. I want a nineteenth century London, rife with political patronage and energised by class struggle.”

Dismissing widespread rumours that they are in fact the best of friends, and give each other elocution lessons to ‘connect with the other half’, Ken retorted, “That is just plain rubbish. We do not like each other and have nothing in common except an insatiable hunger for power, cronyism and incompetence.”

Reports that Boris Johnson has shaved his head and moved to Brent East remain unconfirmed.