After months of speculation, supermodel Kate Moss last night finally announced plans to franchise herself.
The 36-year-old will launch at least 15 Kate Moss’s around the world by the end of the year, the first in Luton, after 48-year-old former plumber Mitchell Whelps paid £2.5 million to officially be the second Kate Moss.
“I’ll start off by losing lots of weight and growing my hair long” said Whelps, who will legally change his name to Kate Moss once the Croydon-born model formally signs the franchise deal.
“Then I’ll start a relationship with a guitarist from a British indie band and get relentlessly pursued by the paparazzi when I stumble out of clubs at 4am. And I’ll start plumbing again, but only for Stella McCartney.”
“For a while now there’s been a lot of Kate Moss in St. Johns Wood,” said Kate Moss,”but I want to take Kate Moss in a more global direction. Kate Moss can’t be everywhere, being Kate Moss, drinking champagne and getting people in offices to gossip about my knobbly knees. With these Kate Moss franchises everyone around the world will have an opportunity to feel closer to me, especially in places Kate Moss would no way ever visit, even if my skinny life depended on it.”
Further franchises are planned in the Hebrides and Calais later this year, with expansion into Ohio and Manchuria planned in 2011.
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I thought you said ‘Michael Phelps’ then! That guy would be a far, far better Kate Moss due to similarity of personal habits.
Poke, don’t criticize celebritys who stumble out of venues looking a state. I mean there’s nothing else which approaches the paparazzo ecstasy of taking a quick 20 or so snaps of one and getting at minimum £300 for selling em’ to a newsrag. Nice to get a bit innit?
Buy a mic for an Apple mp3 gadgeshit for a fiver – then stick it on record as you draw close to a potential spot. Off chance of getting some drunken verbal is worth it. DSLR mics aren’t as good as a discreet, easily concealed iPood one. Also if you’ve a posh camera that does decent video that’s even better!
Pete, editor at dirtygarnet.com