London’s cycle-hire scheme was launched this morning with the official opening of the so-called ‘second wheel’ at the London Eye – now to be renamed as the ‘Millennium Bicycle’.
Boris Johnson and a group of journalists were the first to ride the second wheel, and the Mayor was in a jovial mood.
An outspoken activist for pedal powered transportation since becoming MP for Henley in 2001, many see the introduction of the cycle-hire scheme as his greatest achievement.
Batting away criticism that the £750 million price tag for the Millenium Bicycle was ‘scandalous’, Johnson boasted that “this extra wheel will be just the beginning. Over time we will add the Millennium Wicker Basket, the Millennium Child Seat, and the Millennium ‘Ping’ Bicycle Bell – itself large enough to include a five star restaurant hosted by Michel Roux.”
The blond ex-Etonian added “I’m already in talks with a Ukrainian manufacturer to smelt a set of handlebar tassels out of steel that would each measure longer than the Statue of Liberty. ”
In spite of fiscally prolapsing budget projections, the blond Mayor remained bullish about the future. “Should I be re-elected in 2012 my first order of business will be to add a third wheel to create the Millennium Tricycle – thus cementing London’s status as the cyclo-metropolitan capital of the world. Hoorah! Now where are the sticky buns?”
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Since when did tandems have 3 wheels?
[...] Since when did tandems have 3 wheels? [...]
Yeah – cos that’s the far out bit of this post
Frankly I thought it was damn funny
[...] “Now where are the sticky buns?” [...]
London will be the new Amsterdam with this wonderful bicycling scheme for all of two weeks except without the brothels and weed shops to cycle to.
After about a fortnight some cunning entrepreneurs will get every bike off the street into the back of lorries…to be repainted and fenced off elsewhere. Boris will give a press conference, condemning the ‘soulless oiks’ for giving Britain a bad name over the Dutch:
‘I mean bloody hell you…you lot have made fools of bicycle schemes compared to these windmill loving clog wearing potheads! Their soceity is intact and, and ours is just made an example of by our own citizens – don’t you think you soulless oiks have wrecked my optimism and made me even more jaded now?’
As is common, Boris demonstrates his virtuoso skills of analogy making:
‘If I had a house from Fisher Price, this act would be the equivalent of stomping a few times on it. It would still be there but shoddy and buckled compared with my friend’s house which is pristine and wonderful. Yes it is a disgrace and the authorities will be after the bikelifters very quickly indeed.’
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