For legal reasons he can only be named as ‘Journalist F’, but today this young member of The Daily Mail’s editorial staff is in hiding as threats and invective continue to spew from Paul Dacre’s office after their top secret editorial formula was leaked to the press.
Journalist F, rumoured to be less than five years in the job, somehow gained access to Dacre’s high-security office, known in journalistic circles as ‘Fortress Britain’, and saw the secret formula tacked to the wall. Shocked by its similarity to a public transport system so often maligned within The Daily Mail’s own pages, he rolled it up, put it under his jacket and walked out of his job into a media firestorm.
“He’ll never work in this town again,” promised Jan Moir today, “We all know who it is and even if he becomes bisexual, moves to Hackney and smokes a pipe, he won’t even be able to get a job on The Guardian. He won’t get that far down the street. We have eyes, you hear me? Eyes!”
Speculation that The Daily Mail’s success was down to a top secret formula started in the late eighties, but it was dismissed as Fleet Street legend along with the real parentage of the Hitchens brothers and that thing Una Stubbs is into.
Though such explicit mapping of the newspaper’s friends and enemies have set tongues wagging, the main surprise seems to have been the bizarre use of the underground system. Reports that The Daily Star’s secret formula is based on the number 10 bus route remain unconfirmed.
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This is fantastic.
One minor point – it’s Gordon Ramsay, not Ramsey.
Brilliant!
I’d love to see one for the Guardian as well. Has to include the word Pompous though…
Great work!
Ian
That is utterly, utterly awesome
I live at Appendix Cancer. Hooray
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I wonder what Simon Patterson makes of it ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Bear
Nice work, but before you send it to print it’s JohnathAn Ross. Also think Tasers is too far to the left. Couldn’t see anything else obvious. Cheers.
Where is the DLR? Also you forgot to replace Bow Church! Brilliant tho!!
And the East London Line LOL
HOORAY!!!
I live in Outrage:-)
Ah,ha,ha— I live at Social Services—-everyone (except self) on benefits what-ho.
LOL….
This is very funny, apart from the fact that you have made me live in islam. Now I am going to have to get a burka.
I hear that Dacre is pulling in favours from Opus Dei and the Knights of St John to track down this errant journo. Let’s hope he finds a safe haven.
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So, so proud that I once lived in Gay Bishops
I live in George Galloway. Now THAT is a scary thought…
Blimey, I’m currently in Brussels. Guess we all are actually.
So what it wrong with Ruislip? You’ve got Ickenham on the map and Ruislip Manor. What about Ruislip?
Lovely stuff!
I went to school in Skin Cancer, got married in Conservatories & used to live at Bendy Buses
(I was hoping any spelling mistakes were deliberate! if not then it’s Jonathan Ross – only 1 H in Jonathan…)
I live in Lambs. I’m quite disappointed really,
Love it! I live in hypocrisy, but visit Chris Moyles regularly for my “fix”— Kellyace.
I get off at Emma Watson every morning. I feel slightly dirty.
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It’s fab for two reasons… one, I’m a journo myself and it’s already gone around the Liverpool Post & Echo newsroom.
Two – I did a similar, arty ‘parody’ of Liverpool’s own Merseyrail map featuring soccer star Steven Gerrard at his birthplace Huyton, Tiger Woods at Hoylake (where he won the 2006 Open), Dan Dare the comic character at Southport (where he was created) and so on. You can see it at Hubcapmap.com
Nice Stuff!!
Also Inhertitance Tax –> Inheritance Tax
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In a former life I lived in MEPS, which is a bit disappointing, but, ah, those were the days.
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have submitted this to daily mail website lol – hope i get something back
The original 1933 designer of the iconic (& award-winning) tube map, Harry Beck might have been proud! He lived in Terroorists (West Finchley) as I do, and his house is 2 doors away from mine. A blue plaque to him adorns the frontage. I collect tube maps from around the world and also clever, strange or interesting variations of the London one. However, I am also a Daily Mail reader!
I’m from finsbury park and i am a greedy banker, this is soo true. on a serious note, daily mail staff are all idiots
So accurate! My grandmother read this and it makes me laugh how in one edition they had no less than six articles on immigration and then an article about how bad racism is! Pot calling kettle black anyone?
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You need to add foxes and dogs. Twice. Once to show how evil both are and again to show how lovely they are, a bit like chocolate causing cancer in May and then curing it in September…
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I live between Swans and Cataracts and work in Emma Watson. Rule 34?
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wooow!
I go to Lesbian Teachers for choir!
Hahaha lesbian teachers.
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