U.S General David Petraeus today revealed his latest plan to combat insurgent Taliban forces in Afghanistan – by recruiting more officers who could be Greek or Roman mythical characters. “My name does sound a lot like a Greek God or something. Perhaps a philosopher, but philosophers are pussies” said Petraeus while flexing his awesome pecs and adding, “Check the gun show.”
A close aide of the General told reporters gathered in the Kandahār Travelodge, “Petraeus actually means rock or stone in ancient Greek. I looked it up on Yahoo Answers,” before the General, clad in a toga, burst into the room, bellowed “NERD ALERT” and gave the shocked aide a wedgie.
First to be appointed is Lt. General Talos, who legend has it was made of bronze. In a pre-prepared statement issued by the Pentagon, Lt. General Talos said “I shall use my MASSIVE bronze fists to SMASH the Taliban. Just as I guarded Crete by running round the island three times every day, I shall guard this country until it is safe in the hands of democracy and has adequate indoor air-conditioned shopping facilities for all.”
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