Footballers mock orphans
Five members of the Everton football team were arrested last night after spending an evening openly mocking the inhabitants of a local orphanage.

Liverpool make shock appointment
The late Bill Shankly has been officially unveiled as the new manager of Liverpool FC after the premature retirement of Gerard Houllier.

Ten ways to sacrifice a virgin
There are 50 ways to leave your lover, crooned Paul Simon in his song, which went on to list nothing of the sort. Fortunately, we in the world of madgick are that bit more thorough.

"I've had a baby and now my vagina's really massive"
Baby talk with Dr Boo.

Experimental diet of tits and ass "going well"
Half way through his revolutionary new diet of tits and ass, Luther Herod is said to be pleased with the results.

Notes from the highway
In this, our first investigation into the heart of modern British road culture, Poke columnist Jeff Horton hitches a lift with celbrity driver Steve Lane, the trucker with soft hands.

Road Test - with Andy McNabb
SAS combat veteran Andy McNabb tests out the Ford Focus LX 1.5, by commandeering it from a wealthy Sheik and using it to escape from some Iraqi soldiers.